Birhtday Photos continued...

The cake...



The birthday boy...



Another of the man of the hour...



Jake and Maddy coming down the slide...

More photos

Birthday Photos

They are coming shortly... Blogger is giving me grief today.

Kiss My...

...arm. Jimmy just walked up and kissed his brother on the cheek. Then he turned and kissed my arm. It was so sweet. It's the little things that just feel so huge at times.

New Daycare

Well, hopefully by next Monday, the boys will be starting a new daycare, Childtime. I don't think I have filled out this much paperwork since getting a mortgage. As an accomodation to the toileting issue, they will have him in the twos with his brother, but he will be taken to the bathroom every hour. It's all I wanted. Age appropriate activities will be delivered to him and he will have the opportunity to interact with his peers, but the twos will be his base until he is done training. On paper at least, it is a better situation than we had. It is also a relief that the matter is finally settled.

We had Jimmy's check up yesterday. He is 42 inches tall and 38 pounds - a skinny boy, but healthy. I can't believe he is really five years old. His party is on Saturday and we are all very excited. He is just such a great kid. I am so proud of him.

Happy Birthday Jimmy!!!!

I can't believe it's been five years. More tomorrow.

Small Successes

Jimmy peed in the toilet today. I think it's only the second time in about two weeks of training, but I will take it. It will get better... I would be so happy if he had it down by Christmas. I know Jacob will. I think he will be done training by his birthday. He gets it, he really does. Jimmy does too - it's not something he wants to do right now.

Cure Autism Now Update

I got this e-mail that I thought I would share....

Cure Autism Now Celebrates the Senate HELP Committee
Passage of the Combating Autism Act of 2006


On Wednesday, July 19, the 20 members of the Senate HELP Committee unanimously voted to send the Combating Autism Act of 2006 (S.843) to the full Senate for approval. This represents a tremendous victory for the entire autism community, including the many organizations that formed a coalition to advance this legislation. We anticipate the bill will pass the Senate by a “unanimous consent” vote prior to the summer recess, which begins August 4.

With the leadership of our original sponsor, Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA) and his staff, and the assembly and involvement of the autism community consensus group, the CAA of 2006 has emerged as a historic $1 billion single-disease authorization bill for autism that serves as an acknowledgment by the United States Senate that autism is a national public health crisis.

The Combating Autism Act of 2006 was originally drafted by Cure Autism Now’s Government Relations representative and Chapter Leader Stuart Spielman, and much of the legislative strategy was planned and implemented by CAN’s lobbying team. The CAA of 2006 began as a reauthorization of the autism section in the Children’s Health Act of 2000, which was also introduced by CAN and became the first landmark piece of autism legislation.

Cure Autism Now would like to thank all members of the HELP Committee for their unprecedented commitment to fulfill the promise of meaningful research, timely intervention and an accelerated path to a cure for autism. In addition to our champion Senator Santorum, our gratitude goes to HELP Committee Chairman Michael Enzi (R-WY) and Ranking Member Edward Kennedy (D-MA), sponsor Christopher Dodd (D-CT), Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-TN) and their tireless staffs for their tremendous effort in crafting the Combating Autism Act of 2006 .

Once the bill passes the Senate, our attention will shift to the House of Representatives where we have 136 co-sponsors to date. Visit www.combatautism.org to find out if your Congressman is a co-sponsor. If not, please contact them while they are in district for the August recess and ask them to co-sponsor the Combating Autism Act of 2006 (H.R. 2421).

Cure Autism Now thanks the many autism organizations in the community that have actively participated in these efforts and we thank our families and friends who have reached out to their legislators to help us combat autism.

Heading Home Early

I am leaving early to meet the cable guy - our digital has been sporadic at best. We use them mostly for the kids educational channel and the On Demand. Actually, On Demand is simply the best thing ever. For a while, they had the Baby Bumblebee videos, which are noted for stimulating language in children with developmental delays. Jimmy loved them. Right now, they have a few children's selections that deal with trips to the aquarium or the zoo. Again, Jimmy's favorite things.

While I am home, in addition to some much needed clean up, I am going to be reading up for my new job and working on some documents for my old one. And so it goes... I am less than a month out from the big change. My excitement is also being joined by a serious case of nerves!

Because Life Can't Be All Autism

One of my great passions in music, particularly the popular variety. The Killers new single was leaked to PerezHilton.com. Check it out... it will likely be up for the next two days - just click the link. It's fantastic!

Daycare Update

Well, we are still there, but I have a copy of Jimmy's IEP with a local competitor. The manager is at her corporate office this week, to see what accomodations can be worked out. I am waiting to hear from her. I would like to move Jimmy, but I am unsure about Jacob. I think he would really miss his friends, but I know both brothers will miss each other if seperated.

Part of me thinks this shouldn't have to be so hard, but I appreciate the thought that the potentially new center is giving it. I think every working parent has daycare problems - mine are fairly specific, but I know so many moms that are frustrated by it. There are tons of possibilities in Manassas, but which one is the right one. Daycare Dilemma - there's something to write about.

I hate daycare

I am completely frustrated by my son's daycare. They are part of a large daycare corporation and both boys have been there for almost two years. We have been pretty happy with them for the most part, though they are not trouble free. There have been several staff turnovers, most notable six center directors But we have weathered them all. Within the last three weeks, Jimmy's teacher, the center director, and the program specialist have made several negative comments about it "might not be the appropriate environment for him." I think it all started coming up after I insisted on potty training. They said no. I contacted the disability coordinator at corporate. She spoke to the center director and assured me it would be done. They have yet to sit him on the pot, according to a note from the teacher.

Today, they called me (I missed the call, but called them back) to say that he was flipping out when he got off the bus, he was running around screaming, taking his clothes off (remember, the diaper rash) and so on. Someone said that he stomped on another child's head, although the center director never said it to me. I picked him up early and spent most of the afternoon crying. The rich irony in all this is he will never have to be in full time, long term daycare after August. He will have full days on my in-service days, but my breaks will be spent with him. All I wanted to do is to make it through August without changing centers. I don't think I have that option now.

I talked to one local center. They made no guarantees, but are considering it, with the advice of their home office. My other option is the center run by the local ARC, for severely disabled children. It isn't much of an option, but if it gets me to September 6th (Jimmy's first day of kindergarten), I will do it. I can't imagine a few weeks there would make him low functioning suddenly. I would just eat myself alive with worry. Oh, and hate myself for the rest of my life. Not that I am not completely full of self loathing now - I am leaving him with a teacher who I really think doesn't like my kid, at a center who's management I don't trust. I don't know what else to do.

I am not a good mother.

Day Blah of the Month of July

Jimmy's rash seems to be getting better. We are doing sits with him on the toilet. Jacob is doing pretty well with it too. It will just take time. I am looking at preschools for Jacob in the fall, in case I try to change Jimmy's situation. It just depends. Things for right now are stable at the daycare, but I want to know there are options.

I might take the boys out after work for haircuts. They need them desperately. Work today is tying up loose ends here and doing paperwork. Blah.

Can't Sleep

We are back from our weekend away at Bayse. Jimmy has the worst case of diaper rash ever. Since he isn't potty trained, he is turning five in diapers. Can't really train someone if they can't ask to go to the bathroom. But this rash is the worst thing I have ever seen. I am airing him out, letting him run around without a diaper. We haven't had any accidents so far, but it seems inevitible. The chafing was so bad, he was walking around bow legged and crying. I would rather be on the carpet with a can of Resolve than hear him cry like that. It just hurts him. I am up, waiting for him to drift off so I can slip a diaper on him. I don't know what else I can do.

Our current daycare center has no interest in trying to schedule train him - it requires 15 minute sits every 60 to 90 minutes. I have to find someone that can, my Jimmy's sake and my own.

Busy Week

I am still reeling from all that has been happening lately. I signed a contract, returned the other, made a deposit for Jimmy's birthday party, writing thank you notes and invitations...

I accepted an offer from Manassas City Schools to be a school librarian. The school is less than two miles from my house and I will have my breaks off with the boys. After all of the drama I have endured about what constitutes an appropriate daycare for Jimmy for the full time breaks, that issue is off the table in the future. I will find part time sessions for him to attend during the longer summer breaks (before and after summer school), but the number of days I will need covered on a full time basis will know be few and far between. I will keep Jacob part time in the summer as well. But I can now take them to the pool in the summers, be freer to travel with them, and just spend more time being a mother to them. I gave up an excellent opportunity at the community college to work with some outstanding people, but I went with what was best for both boys. In the end, I know not worrying so much about them and where they are and what they are doing is what makes me happiest. Plus, this is a great opportunity professionally for me - I would be remiss if I didn't mention that.

Jimmy's birthday party is set up for Burger King on the last Saturday of the month. Lots of adults but a few kids coming this year too. It should be fun. He know the song, he understands birthday party, so I am hoping this will be his most enjoyable birthday yet. Perhaps McDonalds or Chuck E. Cheese would be more glamourous locales for parties, but BK tends to be more quiet and less packed, which is a better scene for Jimmy. He has had a great year and I want to celebrate that. I have gotten some great reports from school on the first two days of the summer session. Apparently, he is following direction much better. Wow, I wish he could do that at home.

Happy July 4th!

What a difference a year makes! Jimmy is no longer terrified of fireworks. For the past two years, we have been able to take him out to watch the 4th of July festivities. This year, he was thrilled by all of it. He was engrossed by the Manassas and Manassas Park displays, visible from our neighborhood, but he was not the least bit put off by the noise of the Whistling Petes from the local stands. Last year, he cried until we brought him in. This year, he cried when it ended. So incredibly different for this kid.

Jimmy's First Teacher

We had a brief visit today with Jimmy's first teacher Bethany. Two of the other moms, who have kept in better touch with her than I have (sadly), invited us over to a small get together. She is living overseas with her husband currently. I had told Jimmy once or twice that we were going to see her, thinking that it was unlikely that he would make the connection. He was initially more curious about the new place than seeing his former teacher again, but by the end of the visit, he said her name a couple of times. He cried for about 20 minutes after we left.

It was wonderful for me to see her as well. She was one of the first people to really give me hope about Jimmy's future. That hope is still somewhat unclear, the future still seems more undetermined for him than most children (not that you can know a lot about someone's future at the age of five, but I can still have hope and think of his future, autism or not. That is Bethany's lasting gift to us both.

I am off to bed. Happy Fourth of July!

Two Job Offers

Yes... when it's official, I will post the details.

Graduation Photos

From Jimmy's Pre-K graduation two weeks ago...

A Horrible Couple of Days

Still no offer - stuck in HR (although I have two additional interviews scheduled for the next week and I still think the offer is coming), a little child care drama (always unsettling), my ankle is still recovering, electrical problems in the house, and rain that never ends. I am so looking forward to my nieces coming this weekend.

I'll let you know when I have something nice to say.

A Renewed Committment to Potty Training

Jacob pooped in the toilet for the first time today. Jimmy is very interested, saying goodbye to the contents when he flushes. So I am back to doing sits again. Life will be easier once I get them both potty trained.

I am recoving from yesterday's fall. I really did a number on my ankle. Quite painful. Jimmy's fine.

Going for Mother of the Year

Well, let's start with last night. I am getting gas at Sheetz and somehow I lock the boys in the car. I keep my exterior composure, but inside my heart is racing. I call Jim and he is on 28 at the county line, but traffic isn't moving. I have my cell phone in my pocket, so I pull it out and call the police department non-emergency number. I am completely resolved not to panic because I realize I am about to see a whole bunch of people that I know - I just did the first responder training on autism. So after I hang up, I am just waiting to see who is coming to my rescue.

In the meantime, I am trying to see if I can coach the boys into unlocking the doors. I knock on the window to get Jimmy's attention. He knocks back. Okay, that's not going to work. I try explaining to Jacob. He tries, then it dawns on him that we have a problem. He begins to cry. I feel awful. They look hot - it's still in the 80s at almost 7 p.m. . The fire engine rolls up. Of course, it was three guys I had in my session last week. In my call, I identified myself and Jimmy's disability. They did exactly what I had mentioned - no sirens or lights when they came. Jimmy remained completely calm. They had the doors unlocked in less than a minute. These are just the greatest guys - I love the Manassas Park Fire Department. Absolute sweethearts - they, of course, reminded me that if I wanted to introduce Jimmy to them, all I had to do was bring him by the fire house. Yeah, thanks, I will keep that in mind next time.

This morning, I am fairing no better. I rolled my ankle coming down the last stairs, dropping Jimmy. He's okay. My foot is swollen, my knee is skinned, and my nerves are absolutely shot. But Jimmy's okay.

Jimmy Therapy Update

I got a voice mail from Jimmy's lead therapist. She is training a new therapist for Jimmy for the next two weeks. Apparently they had a great session yesterday. He was very verbal and participating well in the sessions. The therapy is so valuable during school breaks. School just ended a week ago and I have already noticed an increase in stimming behavior. The daycare is wonderful, but because of the ratio of children to teachers, it's a larger crowd and he gets lost. Transitions are more difficult. I don't enjoy summer for those reasons - I just feel like he loses too much. I am already looking forward to July's summer session.

Combat Autism

I recently became aware of the Combating Autism Act of 2005, a bill before the House and Senate in D.C..

This legislation will accomplish the following goals in the fight against Autism:

• Double NIH spending on autism research.
• Empower the Director of the NIH to act as an "autism czar" - developing an annual research budget on autism, based on the best science, and requiring that budget be reported to Congress.
• Create a screening program in all 50 states for the early identification of children with autism - short of a cure, early identification leading to early intervention with behavioral services provides the best available outcomes for autistic kids.
• Fund the efforts of the Autism Treatment Network to identify the best medical practices in the treatment of autistic kids.
• Continue funding of the epidemiological and public education programs on autism at the CDC.
• Authorize, overall, nearly 1 billion of federal spending on autism over the next 5 years - a multi-front war on autism from public awareness and early diagnosis to basic biomedical research.

Currently this bill only has three sponsors in Virginia; Congressmen Davis, Moran, and Wolf. Neither Senator has signed on at this point. For more information, click the link above. Please encourage your elected officials to support this important piece of legislation.

Saturday at Kings Dominion

Well, our little outing went pretty well. Their line policies weren't really conducive to our needs - the policies are set up to protect against abuses, but as a result they don't provide complete accommodation. The line for the roller coast was a horrible experience for him, but once he got on it, he did okay. By the time we got off, he was giggling like he had a great time. Jimmy gets overwhelmed by being around people in line - it's too much for him. But he is starting to like the rides, which is huge progress. In spite of the success, I think we are likely to limit our theme park visits to Sesame Place, WDW, and other parks with better accommodation policies. Kings Dominion's were entirely written for physical limitations and not conducive to our situation.

The water park was the huge hit. Jimmy rode the lazy river with me and just had the best time. We spent some time in the kids pool. I don't think he went down their slide, but he liked playing with the water spouts. The wave pool was a sensory winner - he really liked the feeling of bobbing up and down in the water. He even saw a hair band underneath the water and dove down to pick it up. Maybe he is more ready for swimming than I thought. His brother is the classic boy - Jacob loved it all.

King's Dominion

Yesterday's trip to King's Dominion-

Meeting Dora...

Jimmy and I in the last car. My mom and Jacob are sitting right in front of us.

Jacob is now laboring under the assumption that cars drive themselves. He wouldn't touch the steering wheel...

A completely chick thing to do...

The random posting of song lyrics. Copyright belongs to the Dixie Chicks. In my world, and seemingly in theirs as well, Mother's Day is everyday.

"Lullaby" from the album Taking the Long Way Around.

They didn't have you where I come from
Never knew the best was yet to come
Life began when I saw your face
And I hear your laugh like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

I slip in bed when you're asleep
To hold you close and feel your breath on me
Tomorrow there'll be so much to do
So tonight I'll drift in a dream with you

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

As you wander through this troubled world
In search of all things beautiful
You can close your eyes when you're miles away
And hear my voice like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

Next Matthew's Center Benefit

Matthew’s Center’s 4th Annual Golf Tournament is Quickly Approaching!
Early Bird Registration Ends Monday June 19!!

Tournament Info

Date: July 10, 2006
Place: Evergreen Country Club in Haymarket
Time: 9:00am shot gun start
Cost: $125/person if registered by June 19th
$150/person after June 19th

Fee includes: golf, continental breakfast, BBQ lunch, all you can
drink on the course, polo shirt, goody bags and awards.

Not a golfer?! We still need Sponsors and Volunteers!

All proceeds will go toward the purchase of an activity bus. We have
raised $22K and still need $20K to be able to purchase the bus. I hope
we can count on your support!!

For more information or to register visit our website
www.matthewscenter.org or call the school.

Jimmy's Birthday

Since we are about six weeks out from the big 5, I have been suitably agonizing about it. I have been working on a gift list, all books, to send to the grandparents and far away family. Books make him happiest. I only have about ten so far (click the post title for the current list on Amazon), so if my friends in library land have any ideas or recommendations, post them or e-mail me. We are pretty full on Seuss and he loves vivid illustrations and any manner of animal. I could also use some good social story books to help with transition, if anyone can recommend some.

As far as the party, I have finally decided to have one. I was unsure of who his friends are there, aside from one little boy. Mia, his former and Jacob's current teacher, assured me that he has friends and she would help with the guest list. I think we are going to keep it simple and do Burger King in Centreville again. We are opted to do Sesame Place (the original idea for the 5th) with him the first weekend after school begins. It should be less crowded. Last Saturday in July - keep it free people!!!

He Graduated Pre-K

I cried. A lot. Wearing shades on a rainy day. I am a fool. For more than just crying - I forgot a camera. Other moms took photos, so hopefully, I will have some here. I also met his new teachers today for next year and got a quick tour of the school for next year. Pretty exciting. His new teacher is very young, but I consider that a plus. I am looking forward to the change.

First Responder Training

A few months ago, I approached the local police and fire department about doing a first responder training, telling them about autism and sharing the resources and information I found. I have done the first two sessions yesterday and today and will be doing the third tomorrow. It's going pretty well. I am less nervous today than I was yesterday. Each day, I have had at least one person I have known from the departments there, which is sort of comforting. Today's group was a pretty full house. Apparently the police officers had court today, so a bunch were around for the training. They had questions, engaged on the subjects, and were really interested. I couldn't really ask for anything more. It is really gratifying when I can make this more than my cause, when I can get other people to invest in it too. I am lucky to live in a place like this, like Manassas Park, where I really get a chance to share this experience with so many different people.

Jimmy's pre-K graduation is tomorrow. I am really excited. A big day! I will post photos on Thursday.

Well...

I screwed up yesterday. Completely. It was water day and I forgot to send Jimmy's swimsuit with him. I realized my mistake on the way to pick him up from daycare. I nearly burst into tears. We had both seen the note, but neither of us remembered the event. I feel like I let him down on some level, even though he couldn't express disappointment to me. Even if he was, I wouldn't know... he asked me for a hug last night. "I want hug." Dad's heard that before, but it is new for me.

Goats

A little bit blurry, but this is the best of him actually feeding an animal. Keep in mind it took three annual trips to the Reston Zoo to get him to do this. I was very excited. He was so interested in the animals this time.

Wow, I suck

I am sorry it has taken me so long to post. The stress and distraction of looking for a new job is affecting my blogging. I had an interview yesterday, as a matter of fact. The job seems great, as do the people. The drive to Loudoun was better than I thought. We'll see... It would be nice to afford my student loan payments.

I chaperoned Jimmy's field trip today. I will post photos and a longer note tomorrow.

New Medication

We started Jimmy on Zoloft for attention. There is one school of thought that suggests that autism in somehow tied into serotonin levels. Given the history of depression on my side of the family, I am willing to explore that possibility. I can't see any perceptable difference yet, but it is likely too soon. He did give me a kiss today when I picked him up. That's been a fairly recent development. I'll take affection from that boy anytime! He is such a sweetheart.

Potty Training, Part Deux

Well, Jimmy and I made a few trips to the potty this weekend. He never actually used it. Keeping a diaper on him was impossible due to the heat, so I let him go commando around the house. He peed on my leg - twice. He pooped too - one he picked it up and put it in the toilet. The other was loose, he didn't bother it and I wound up scrubbing the carpet.

We did have a nice family outing the local pool on Sunday. He enjoyed it. Jacob got a little freaked out about the slides and the streaming water. A good time was had by all.

Jimmy and Potty Training

***ARGH!!!!!***

Primal scream. It had to be done...

Parent Training

At last night's parent training, we worked on putting on sandals and pulling the pants up. Simplistic stuff, I know. But as we worked with him, I realized he is completely capable of doing this stuff. It goes back to the communication piece. Listening to the verbal prompts and following through. Never did I imagine the basic would be such a challenge.

Well, it looks like we will be getting some respite from the CSB... I don't know how much and I don't want to count on having it until it is in hand, but I am really optimistic.

Bummer

The job the local school system that I interviewed for (the high school) isn't up anymore. I am assuming it is because they filled it. I wanted it very badly - and not just for the five minute commute. I really wanted to work in my community and in the high school. It's a great building with some money to actually develop a collection, a diverse student body - everything I hoped to do. I had so hoped to get the job.

We had Jimmy's IEP yesterday - it's official. He is going to Cougar in the fall. For me, that is SOMETHING to be happy about.

Twenty Years

When I got home last night, Jim told me that my best friend from high school, Christine, had called and had left me a message: her mom died. She left her sister's cell phone number, so once I got the boys settled, I called. It was unexpected, appears to be a heart attack, they were on the way back home. I remember her mom very well and liked her a lot. Christine and her sister seem to be beating themselves up about it - I hope they can get past that. I love them both too much for that and I am just sort of wrapped up emotionally right now, feeling for them in their time of grief.

But the phone, as sad as it was, reminded me of the joy of long standing friendships, where no matter how far apart you are geographically or how long you go between phone calls and visits, the basics never change. The pain I feel right now for Christine is as real as it would have been twenty years ago if it happened when I lived close by. Just now, I want to get on a plane. I know it isn't practical, but I want to go and hug her. It is a privledge and a blessing to have someone with whom you share a twenty year friendship. I guess its one of the perks of getting older.

Christine, I am so sorry about your mom. She is in my thoughts and prayers, as are you, Michelle, and Lorelei. Friends are the family you choose for yourself. You and Michelle will always be my sisters and that baby is another niece. I love you all. R.I.P. Dottie. Thank you for your girls - they mean the world to me.

Monday Morning Hangover

...Not literally. I didn't drink, but man, I am too old. I am just beat from last night. And Christine hasn't even gotten out of the airport. She is flying standby and every last flight is full. I am waiting by the phone to go pick her up. And she has finals tomorrow. Lovely.

Oh, and I had the wrong day for the IEP meeting. It is tomorrow, not today. Now I don't know if the Matthew's Center people can come, I had to call Kindercare and reschedule. I am pulling my hair out.

The concert itself was great. Yet another wonderful evening of revisiting my adolescence.

More later, once I figure out what is going on with my trapped-in-the-airport niece...

Ready for the Weekend

After yesterday's rant, I just wanted to assure everyone I am alive and well. My sister can't make it up for Depeche Mode this weekend, so she is sending her daughter instead. So it will be the two of us and the BFF at Nissan Sunday night. On the schedule for Monday - Jimmy's IEP meeting! A two hour fun fest. I wish they had a cash bar at these things, but I think most parents do.

ARGH!!!!

So Manassas Park Social Services called back with half of what I expected - the Medicare application was denied. Not a huge deal, since I wasn't going for that. What I am trying to get are MR waivers and then get on the list for DD waivers for when he turns six. I need respite and some help so I can get stuff done around the house. It is falling apart around me. I should qualify for the urgent waivers too because I have an extensive history of depression and, for as much as I love both of them, I am completely overwhelmed and seriously depressed. I know that. I just don't want to go back on medication again and have the side effects, gain even more weight, blah, blah, blah - although I would be keeping good company by joining the ranks of the millions of women in American on anti-depressants. Long story short, I have to go through the Community Services Board, which I tried to get help from back in October, to no avail. I couldn't even get an intake person to return my call. Am I supposed to take a day off work and just show up? What responsible member of society can afford to do that?

What I don't get is why this has to be so hard? In the past two weeks, two women that I know have had their sons diagnosed. The number of children diagnosed every day grows and there is nothing out there to help us beyond the schools. It's insane. Is this good social policy? No. It isn't even Christian. I need help with my kid. This situation is more than I can handle alone. And there is nothing.

Working My Way Through

I have to head off to the reference desk in a minute. I forgot to put SEAC bylaws on my last list, so I am working on writing those during lunch. In the realm of real work, I have to find a student assistant for the summer as well. I am almost done with the presentation for Saturday as well. It's like I am now playing catch up for everything I let go during the semester. Things will slow down. I have to keep believe that.

Then again, I bring it on myself. I went to the Governing Board meeting last night to preach all things autism - funding, first responder training. I wound up talking to the head of Social Services. MR waivers would be a good thing right about now - I can't believe they make you wait until 6 for DD waivers. But I guess talking to her in person makes the trip worth while. At least I get to scratch that off the list.

My List of Things to Do

My list of things to do, in no particular order...

_X_ Send proposal for ABA to local public schools system (causing all sorts of headaches for my friend in special programs)
___ Work on autism display for special education table at school fair on Saturday
_X_ Update Resume
___ Find job in line with newly acquired degree
___ Take up hobby at Dr. Bill's suggestion - he is right, I will burn out if I don't figure out how to relax and have fun.
___ Get Jacob new sneakers (already outgrown Christmas pair)
___ Clean house (forever on the list)
___ Do laundry (ditto)
___ Go to Governing Board meeting to give headache to board (sorry)
___ Call Social Services to see if there are any funds for Jimmy (pipe dream)
___ Prepare for Monday IEP meeting
___ Pick out outfit for Depeche Mode concert on Sunday (I am a girl at heart, after all)
___ Send EDW note, thanking her for Mother's Day card and being wonderful friend
___ Hang out with boys (always bumped to top, often keeping me from getting anything else done.)

And I thought I would have nothing to do after grad school!

Follow Up to An Army of One Wrong Recruit

The Army, in its infinite wisdom, released him...

Graduation

If anyone needs a librarian, I am looking for a job! In addition to finishing with a 3.93 GPA, I also won one of the schools "top three" honors - the Outstanding Service Award. Jimmy wasn't interesting in walking, but he did stand at the top of the stairs and clap as I walked across the auditorium.

An Army of One Wrong Recruit

Some idiot who was trying to make his recruitment quota enlisted an 18 year old with moderate to severe autism. They enlisted him as a calvary scout, gave him a report date for boot camp, and everything. Insane.

What I Want

Last night, I got a phone call from a woman with a grown daughter who is autistic. She was older, so I wasn't entirely sure where she was going with the conversation. She downplayed the benefits of ABA, saying what amounted to "let your son be who is going to be."

That's what I am doing. I am fighting to give him every opportunity to be who is going to be. That doesn't mean I should give him over to autism. If I do that, I have failed him and society, who will then be forced to pick up the slack when he is an adult who cannot contribute to society by holding a job and paying taxes.

What I would like to see is a bill that requires medical insurance and HMOs to provide habilitative coverage as requested by physicians for all children with autism under the age of 18. This would include speech therapy, occupational therapy, and Applied Behavioral Analysis. I don't think for a minute that it would get rid of all my bills, but it would make it fair. If the doctor requests 15 hours a week of ABA, then insurance would pay for that with what ever co-pay or deductible coming from us.

A good model for this type of legislation is available at the link above or right here:

http://scautisminsurancebill.blogspot.com/

This blogger I believe is a mom and lawyer who wrote the bill in question in South Carolina. The press coverage she links to does a good job explaining why this coverage is so important. If the insurance companies aren't forced to step up, taxpayers will be supporting these children in the future.

Grinding Back to Normal

Life is getting back to normal... Okay, scratch that. Nothing has been normal since I have a) had children or b) started grad school. As I still decompress from last week, I beginning the rest of my life. That involves looking for a job. I have another interview tomorrow for a school librarian slot. I remain hopeful.

Certainly, the salary increase would be a big help, especially with Jimmy stuff and student loans. I would also use some of the increase to afford Jacob the opportunity to do Hooked on Phonics at daycare. They enrolled him by accident at daycare. He loved him, but I had to pull him out because we really can't afford it. That's just the worst feeling in the world, especially when we spend so much on Jimmy.

I will also go pick up Jimmy's newest prescription tomorrow. We also are going to reduce the amount of casein he ingests by introducing him to rice milk. We have opted not pursue the gluten free because we really don't know what he would eat if we eliminated that from his diet. I would have implemented the milk already, but Giant doesn't stock it. It looks like Trader Joe's will be our only source for that. I am so glad they put one in Centreville. I will be interested to see if there is any notable improvement of the stemming or his attention.

Manassas Journal-Messenger Article

Well, the article is up. Jim and both read it and we liked it. I figure that "never shuts up" quote about Jacob will follow me for life, but I know I said it. He is never quiet. I wasn't sure if I would regret doing this article or not. Right now, at this moment, I don't.

Thanks to Alex and Donnie for taking such time and care with us.

Goal

With a little help, Jimmy made his first goal in a soccer game. Okay, someone helped him move his leg, but he seemed pretty pleased with himself. Jimmy did kick the ball down the field twice on his own. I was most happy about that. Jacob cheered Jimmy on, yelling "Go, go Immy, go, go."

Jake's crashed out on the chair. If I could get Jimmy's to take a nap, I would catch some shut eye as well. I am tired today.

A Wish List

I took Jimmy to his follow up with his developmental pediatrician this afternoon. Jimmy is making progress, but still is most delayed in expressive and receptive language. The attention still isn't coming along as we would like, so we switched medication. He also is re-writing his recommendations for therapy to include physical therapy and 15 hours of ABA a week. At this point, we are up to 8, with 6 of those out of pocket. Kaiser will get a copy of the letter and I will ask his regular doctor to write requests for all of it. We will likely get PT through Kaiser, since they have their own, but I full expect them to kill speech therary and occupational therapy again. ABA is a non-starter, but I am going to ask anyway. Kaiser will say no. They always do. This time, I am going to fight.

I am going to fight for everything. How can a physician make recommendations for treatment and not have a single one followed through? The school has no obligation to incorporate the physicians recommendations for his medical care into his school. They are there to education him, not to provide therapeutic services. Except these ST, OT, and PT are fairly commonly provided in schools, just not to the degree that is needed for a child with Jimmy's disability. ABA, which is available in Fairfax, isn't available here as part of the curriculum for him. Maybe because autism is a gray area that impacts both health and learning - that has to be why the buck gets passed back and forth. It has to stop somewhere. Doesn't it?

In the meantime, I have the wish list. Everything that needs to be done to help Jimmy. Now I have to figure out how I can make those wishes real.

A Nice Note

Yesterday, I got a note from Jimmy's teacher in his backpack. Apparently the aide had been out sick and there was a nervous sub. At some point, he crawled in her lap, cuddled her, and said "Everything will be alright." My child, who never says a full sentence other than "I want ____" used a full sentence to show compassion to a sub. I think any parent is happy when their child shows empathy for another - it is a sign that you are raising a good person. To have Jimmy do it means so much more - he is able to show empathy, but that is because he knows that he is loved, that he has an emotional connection to myself and others. Jimmy is a blessing. He amazes me everyday.

I had a job interview today very close to home. The people seemed very nice and I think I would love the work. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

That's the latest - off to soccer...

The Election is Over

Well, the election is done and over. New members are heading towards the governing board. One I have met and I do like. The other two I don't know and I am reserving judgment on whether their election is a good or bad thing for the community. The people in my city said it pretty loud - they don't like high taxes. I hope that the reductions that we all would like to see does not come at the expense of children in the community, especially my son.

On a personal level, I am extremely sad to see Noreen Slater voted out. While she can't waive a wand and make the money fairy appear to help Jimmy, she has provided more support and encouragement than any other single person in this community in my pursuit of services for him. I am deeply grateful to her for her efforts.

I turned in my very last paper two and a half hours ago. Tonight I am going to pick up my boys and play with them and have absolutely nothing hanging over my head for the first time in three years. It's done and I am happy. I may have to do additional courses depending on where I am employed, but I will likely never HAVE to go back a do a degree the way I had to do this.

Shirt Over Head

The last of the revisions on the papers... it almost over.

Jimmy was really tired last night. He feel asleep before we could give him dinner. I was pouring Carnation Instant Breakfast down him to make sure he had something. His lack of interest in food scares me. He did wake up early with me, so I was able to give him breakfast. And he put his shirt on pretty much by himself. I only had to put it on top of his head, but he did the rest. There is something his brother can't seem to do yet!

Your Morning Update

Well, the school is continuing to fund us through the end of the school year for Jimmy's in-home stuff (the part that they pay for, at least.) It means that we are on our own for the summer months, which is difficult, but at least we can formulate a plan of action. Summer is when he needs the help the most, because he experiences sort of a general regression in what he learns. Most children experience that on extended breaks, but it is a little worse for Jimmy.

We have our appointment with Dr. Conlon this week. I am likely to revisit the medication issue then. There has got to be something other than Tenex to try. I will also enquire about the casein issue again. I am still afraid to do anything to Sir Skinny's diet, but I have heard from too many people about it having made a difference to not at least look at the milk. Soy is a transition, but I think we can do it. Going gluten free is the more daunting prospect!

I am six pages in to my last paper. I have to get it to Shari before I leave for revisions, so I should get back to it. More tomorrow.

Tigger Too!

It's a slow news day around here, so here is another picture of Disneyworld. The boys and I with Tigger. Jimmy has initially terrified of Pooh. By the time when got to Tigger, he was still running around, but he was smiling.

Soccer Mom

Tonight was a really good night at soccer. Granted, Jimmy wasn't as into the ball as he was last week (and that is a relative description of his interest), but he never ventured far from the field. I could actually stand and talk to the other mom - when Jacob wasn't being a pill. As we were leaving, I was talking to another mom. Her child has a different diagnosis, but one of her girlfriend's kids is on the spectrum as well. She told me, she promised (her word) that it gets better. She describes a quiet kid of seven now who reads and writes and is a sweetheart. I believe we will get there. It's the path that is so hard to see.

In Knots

We have been working with a local reporter who is doing a story on autism for the local paper. He is a nice guy (that's not because he might read this), but every person who has had a negative experience with the press is giving me warnings about how bad this could or will be. I just realized that I am completely in knots, that I am not taken out of context, seen as a bad mother, or somehow trashed. I don't think this guy would ever, ever do that, but it has just dawned on me how much I have put myself out there. Me, the woman who completely lacks an internal monologue. Never thinking and the mouth runs. Joy!

Comps passed - check
Marketing stuff done - check (if Dr. Bill lets me slide on the whole slogan thing)
Practicum paper - tonight and tomorrow, turn in before I leave work
Public Library Management paper - this weekend and Monday, due on Wednesday

I am so close.

Still Here

I am in the throws of my last week of graduate school, so my posting will be sporadic at best. Some news - the school dropped our funding for the Matthew Center. Completely unannounced, although we were at the end of our three month cycle. I am really angry, but sort of resigned. I have seen their numbers, at least for federal funding of special ed, which were cut by 10%. It doesn't mean that I am not going to make a huge deal about it, but I am just unsure what can be done. Since we had some donations, I might restructure to get more parent training at home, because ultimately we have to raise Jimmy and it seems to be the most stable approach. It's just frustrating, my last week of school, the week before we begin potty training in earnest, and they are springing this on me. Like I don't have enough to deal with.

A Page from the Jungle Book

Taking a break from work and finishing up the marketing plan to share vacation photos. The guy in this costume was my favorite person that I encountered at Disney. I told him that Jimmy would be a little standoffish, but that he loved the movie. He got right down to his level and tried to get him to interact. What none of these photos captured was the slight smile as he recognized Louie. It was pretty cool.

Attempted Alien Abduction

Jake and Stitch were fast friends at Disneyworld. Stitch tried to make off with him at one point. After last night, I wonder if I should have let him. I had to take both kids to a meeting at the school administration building. Jimmy sacked out in the stroller. Jake poured his chocolate milk out on the carpet and hopped around in the puddle. He's insane. Yep.

Picture Time

A friend (the BFF actually) just reminded me that I am behind in uploading the promised Disney photos. Before I set off to do stuff for Dr. Bill, here is the last day with my mom, my sister, her family and the four of us.

Potty Training, Here We Come

As I continue to work on my last weeks of school, I am now researching my summer project - potty training! We are going broke having two in diapers. Jacob is ready and having some success at daycare. Jimmy physiologically is ready, but the communication piece is still missing. But he understands - he takes his diapers off as he wets them and wants a clean one right away. I went to the Talk About Curing Autism website and found some great guidelines. I will start incorporating them in the next week or two. The challenge will be getting some consistency in all three environments, but I am optimistic. If I get him potty trained, I have more (re: less expensive) options for afterschool day care next year!!! Between diapers and daycare, I could save $200 a month if I can get both kids trained!

More Circus News and Upcoming Elections

Well, after that strangers act of kindness yesterday, I ran off to the Patriot Center box office for a more pleasant surprise. Since the tickets I was planning on getting were $27 each, I expected that the gift would cover Jimmy's and I would pay for the rest. But they were having a campus special. Each ticket was $4 - as in the Final Four. Some sort of gift to the campus community. They are sitting us in handicap seating so we can use the stroller to contain Jimmy. Aside from being broke from Florida, the child management issues were keeping us from the circus this year as well. I think we will all have a great time tomorrow night.

I still have a few Manassas Park people reading this blog, so I will have to tell you about my latest e-mail adventure. Since I couldn't find information about the candidates for the Governing Board beyond the brief articles in the Manassas Journal-Messenger, I e-mailed the whole group. At this point, I have heard from five of the six. It's weird being a Democrat in a small jurisdiction that is 98% Republican. But it is an opportunity to think beyond affliation to the individual - who is going to best represent your ideas and needs of yourself, your family, your community on the local level. Because of my continued experiences with Jimmy and other children in this community, I think I have a special responsibility to cast my vote on May 2nd.

As I go through the process of trying to secure services for my son, I find myself dealing with federal, state, county, and city officials on a regular basis. I think the most important characteristic is that you can have in a community leader is accountability. I cannot tell you the number of times as a parent of a child with autism that I have had federal officials tell me its a state problems, local officials tell me to complain to the feds about funding. At some point, people have to stop pointing the finger to another entity and say "how to we address that need, right here, right now." Those are the people who I want to have represent me - who quit passing the buck and try get something done.

Of the six candidates that I have e-mailed, there is only one I am completely sure is that type of person. That person's sign will be on my yard by the end of the week. As a Democrat, I won't agree with everything, but there is enough common ground that I can do that much. The other two votes I am still weighing. But I would like to publicly thank the candidates who have taken the time to respond to me. I appreciate your effort.

Given my political affliation, one might expect that I could be a little dejected given the leadership of the last few years - I am still waiting for Gore to get sworn in. Really, it's a matter of time! :-) But there is such value to this process - in educating yourself about the issues, seeing where people stand, casting that vote. I hope people engage themselves this year and again in 2008 on the national level.

More tomorrow... I will try to get the Disney photos together and up on the blog.

My Brain Hurts

I am sorry I am neglecting this blog, but my brain still hurts from comps. I keep promising pictures, I will certainly get on that. But something really amazing happened that I have to share.

I am sitting at the reference desk and this patron I helped last week came up and asked me about circus tickets. I think her question had something to do with special education and I mentioned Jimmy. I can't even tell you the specifics of the conversation, but it must have made an impression. I looked up the prices for the circus and she hands me $25 to take Jimmy.

I will write more later. My head is spinning. As hard as this has all been, I feel so incredibly blessed to have so many people care about my son.

Crazy Wilson Motorcycle

I promise a longer post (complete with photos) about our Disney adventure this week. One quick story for you now...

One the way down, we stopped for dinner in South Carolina. There was a park next to the restaurant, so we let the boys run off some steam. Jimmy saw one of those rocking horse, bouncy things in the shape of a motorcycle. He called it "Crazy Wilsom Motorcycle." The reference, you ask? Crazy Wilson is a performer in Ringling Bros. Barnum and Bailey Circus. He does the finale, where he rides around in a steel ball on a motorcycle. We bought the circus DVD last year at the show and they have watched it pretty consistently for about a month. Both Jimmy and Jacob ask for it. I feel kind of bad - we spent so much at Disneyworld that we really can't afford to take them to the circus, which is in town (here at GMU) for the next week. Bummer.

Dream Big

GO MASON!!!!

Updates

I think my posting this month will be sporadic at best. I have a lot going on. Comps are on Friday the 31st. I have to leave our vacation in Orlando to take them. Jim's parents gave us a timeshare week down there. My mother is coming to help Jim with the boys while I take my exams. The following Friday, I will be in Memphis to present at the Tennessee Library Association Conference. I come home that night to wait tables at the Applebee's Pancake Breakfast I am hosting to the benefit the Matthew's Center. Saturday April 8th from 8-10 am. $5 a person. E-mail me for tickets!!!

I will post as I can, but expect more regular posting starting April 3rd.

I Didn't Get the Job...

The hiring official called today. I am stymied because they did a reference check and I know my references are solid. I think I was plan b. But I am heartbroken that I didn't get the job. It was so close to home, right across from the daycare. Working at that library branch was my dream from the time I started library school.

I am so down right now.

Depressed

I am officially in a deep funk. Everything ache - I twisted my ankle a week ago, followed by falling down a half a flight of stairs on Wednesday and throwing my back out over the weekend. I am stressed about school, about comps, about everything. I am worried about my sister's health. I still have heard nothing about that job I want so badly. It's officially getting to me. It's just not been my week.

Spiderman

Look who just came through and destroyed my living room. It's Spiderman - alter ego, Jacob Kirkland! You should see what he and his brother did to their bedroom. Mommy is going to have a nervous breakdown.

Autistic Basketball Phenom!

I love this story... little things like this inspire and give hope to me!

This is how you give a presentation in a online class!

Jim went to the movies last night, the night I have class. Maybe he mentioned it to me, maybe not, but it didn't click that it was on a class night. On the night I had a presentation in class. Still, shouldn't be a big deal. Jim wanted to see the movie and I wanted to let him go. That was probably the first mistake. The kids were not cooperative in going to their room, so I had to do the presentation with them on the main level. That was the second mistake.

My presentation partner calls me. Her mic isn't working. So I had to do it solo. Never mind that I had not prepped to do this solo, but I rolled with it. We had a script for God's sake. Should be easy. A discussion on copyright, no sweat. So I start. I have Jimmy stripping naked and I have to ignore it. I have Jake taking apart the papsan chair (cheesy, but the kids love it.) I am getting pissed, but it's not like I can yell at him midpresentation. So I keep going.

We get to the Q&A. If there is a God, no one will have a question. Apparently He has it out for me, because there are three. First question - I have to quietly pause to get Jacob to quit yelling - (we have a text chat in our class - someone asked if I had a hungry cat next to me.) Second question - Jake got himself stuck in that papsan like it was a bamboo prison and is losing his mind. Senator McCain would have been having Viet Cong flashbacks. I had to stop mid answer, extract him from the bamboo, and go back to the question. Can I die now? At the break, I had enough left over Weight Watchers points for several glasses of wine or a brownie. I went with the brownie, but I think I needed the wine.

Comps are on March 31. I will be happy when that day is past and I am in the home stretch!

Survived the Holiday

I had to take yesterday off because the daycare was closed for an in-service day. I had Jake all morning as Jimmy had school. According to the teacher, Jimmy's school day didn't go as well as it normally does because he knew I was at home today. "I want Mommy, Goodbye!" was all he was willing to say in class.

I am trying to get through this semester and having a difficult time of it. I am feeling overwhelmed, so much so that it is almost paralyzing. It isn't because the coursework is particularly hard. I am at the end, dreading comps, and too busy worrying about whether I got the job across the street from the daycare that I seemingly can think of nothing else. I think I am going to call today, so I can quit worrying about it.

Brotherly Love

Jimmy and Jacob have a serious love/hate thing going on. They are playful one minute and fighting the next. Jimmy has no agressive tendencies towards other children, but this child can fight with his brother. It goes both ways - I have seen Jake go after Jimmy with a wooden spoon. Jimmy gets most agressive with his brother when I am not around, either gone running errands or if I am in another part of the house for a protracted amount of time. Their dad seems to think that Jimmy somehow blames Jake for me being gone, but I can't imagine that. I am sort of unsure what to do. I am going to ask his therapist at parent training on Thursday.

The Promised Snow Post

Yes, it snowed over the weekend. I was so busy keeping kids entertain that I didn't take any pictures or post once. Jimmy loved it. He and his daddy went out Saturday evening as it was coming down. Last year, he refused to walk in the snow, seemingly hating the sensation of it. This year, he stomps down on it. Still doesn't want it thrown at him. Sledding still seems a ways off as well. We will get there. Probably to most remarkable thing is that Jimmy himself asked to go out to the snow.

"I want snow goodbye."

Yes, it is a little backwards, but I think almost anyone can understand what he is getting at. It's a wonderful feeling that he can communicate.

Political Glad Handing

I took Jimmy to the townhall meeting with our local congressman the Honorable Frank Wolf. I did my question/concern first and shoot his hand on the way out. He said goodbye to Jimmy and it seemed like a perfect opportunity to see if all of our work on high five would pay off. It did. He did his soft little high five and the rest of the group starting clapping. I am so proud of that boy.

Letting Go of a Dream

Michelle Kwan has been my favorite skater since she placed second in the 1992 Nationals. No one had idea what she would become to the figure skating - the most decorated champion in this sport since Sonia Henjie. An Olympic gold medal seemed to be a given twice, and yet missed the goal on both occassions. I was looking forward to her third try, practically holding my breathe to see if her injuried body would heal in time for her to compete on the 21st. Would she pull it together and pull the biggest upset in the history of the sport. Sadly, I woke up this morning to find it not be.

Some say her exit would have been more graceful if she had never petitioned on to the team, never made the trip to Torino. She wouldn't have been the athlete I have admired for so many years had she not tried. An Olympic dream may have died today, but in my estimation, a graceful hero was born.

Let It Snow

Well, I guess this is better than it happening on a weekday, but we are expecting about a foot of snow this weekend. Fortunately, I will have ample opportunity to horde milk and toilet paper as I am going to be off this afternoon taking Jimmy to the doctor. Wart removal, round 2. Pray for me...

I feel bad for the BFF. Living in the foothills of the Shenendoah Valley, she should be confined to her home with her three kids for several days. I will likely have the weekend with the boys and the option of taking them to daycare on Monday. I am sure there will be at least a 2 hour delay for schools, which means no ECSE class for Jimmy. I am taking all of my homework and comps work home to study between Wiggles episodes and Olympic figure skating (why can't ladies be this weekend, instead of another week or so away...) My house will be trashed by Monday and the boys will have run us in the ground. Ugh.

I will post updates of the coming snowpocalypse throughout the weekend.

Another Weekend

Jimmy talked up a storm this weekend. Mostly I want phrases, but there were many new items labelled. He found a box of candles from Ikea. Those were most tempting. Thank goodness he didn't say "I want matches."

A brief post - I promise more entertainment tomorrow. Right now, I am going to figure out if I went over on my Weight Watchers points and do some reading for Dr. Bill.

Jimmy's New Sentence

I want computer... (sounds like "I want 'puter.)

Not to play videogames, mind you. He likes to type words that he has learned, especially if the narrator function is turned on. That way the computer reads back what he's typed. It's pretty entertaining. If he starts typing "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy," I am making a break for it!

I Never Thought That I Would Know Someone on a Reality Show

This is a message from our friend Shawn. Tiff is a great girl and worthy of this opportunity. Vote for Tiffany!!!!

My sister Tiffany is a finalist to be one of 5 hosts on this cool Travel Channel show. They send 5 people to 6 different countries and videotape their differing experiences over 4 months. She's up against 4 other people for the last slot and they're letting the online voters decide who gets it. It's the chance of a lifetime so I'd appreciate you taking a minute to vote for her at the link below.

http://travel.discovery.com/fansites/5takes/poll/viewers_choice.html

Day One of the First Three Month Drive

I saw Shivi yesterday... our schedule is set. We have managed to put together four days a week of therapy for Jimmy, plus an hour a week of in-home parent training. We got two sponsors, one of whom is a colleague from UT (I love the people I go to school with - many of them I have never met, yet they have been a constant sources of support and inspiration), the school system kicked in some funding, as did Jim's parents. Some of the goals for the next three months...

• Increased receptive language, in terms of taking direction and conversation.
• Increased expressive language, including building more sentences.
• Attending through an activity, such as snack time (i.e. sitting still and eating, rather than walking around with his cookie.)
• Respecting physical boundaries and turn taking (sharing, not stealing other people's food, etc...)

It will be interesting to see with this increased effort how much we can do in 90 days. The school evaluates their contribution each 90 days, so I hope to show them a return on their investment in Jimmy. I am excited and a little nervous about the prospect.

Oscar Blahs

I saw The Matador over the weekend... Pierce Brosnan and Greg Kinnear. I loved it. Brosnan played totally against type and he was fantastic. I really thought he should have gotten an Oscar nomination. It's hard to say who on the Best Actor list he should have replaced, but I am certain there must have been some mistake - he should have been on the list!

And Michelle Williams must win to remind Katie Holmes who was the superior actress on Dawson's Creek.

Jimmy Loves His Grandma

We swung by my mom's house to pick up a textbook I needed for my class. It was late, Jacob was asleep in the backseat, so my mom came out to say hello. Jimmy was visibly happy to see her. We rolled the window down and he said "I want hug." I thought my momma was just going to drop right there. She ran around to the side of the car and gave him a hug. As we pulled away, Jimmy began to cry "Goodbye, Grandma!"

End of Another Week

We will start with a Jimmy story, from school yesterday. Jimmy, who does little more than "I want" phrases and labelling, was having animal crackers at snack yesterday. He asked for the elephant crackers until there were no more elephants. Miss Debby told him she was out of elephants, that he could have a zebra. He looked at the cracker and said, "Well... zebra." With an air of resignation, no less. I have never heard real vocal intonation from him. I keep trying to imagine the scene in my mind. It makes me laugh.

Well, I survived yesterday's interviews... I think the soon-to-be degree overqualified me in the panels eyes for the paraprofessional position at the administrative office. I still hope to eventually work in admin... I very much like the people there.

The second interview was in the neighborhood library as the children's librarian. I very much like the department, the library and the people at the branch. I was breezing through the interview, confident in my answers, until this question was asked:

"Describe to us a successful crafts program that you have lead in the past."

Freeze... wha... wha... what??? Crafts. I didn't learn crafts in library school. My answer sort of reflected that - one of the ladies stopped and said "do you any crafts, have any hobbies?" I about died. What hobbies? I work full time, go to graduate school and change diapers in my spare time. I don't do crafts! I did mention two things - if you have reference books you use, I can do that. I used to run a summer youth center class when I was in high school. We did crafts there. Got through the question, but somehow I expect the craft thing to be a deal breaker.

What I didn't say is that I think crafts shouldn't have a place in the public library, that we should be focusing our programming around the goals of literacy and information literacy. Maybe the head children's librarian saw the question forming in my mind. She explained that "the mothers like them." Oh. I guess in the days of declining library use, we can't be to picky. To get this job, I would paper mache on a regular basis. I can do it. I can leave the high minded library/information sciences school student thing behind. As long as I can eventually do a session with high school students about how Google and the internet are not the be all, end all for your information needs.

I'll get there.

On the agenda for the weekend - reading for my independent study, reviewing 490 for comps, cleaning, laundry, and a Southern Living Party. I am taking Jacob so Jim can have some focused work time with Jimmy. He has skipped talking and gone to reading and spelling. We figure he'll start writing soon. It is then that he will present us with a list of demands that must be met before he will speak in complete sentences.

Swamped

New semester... I should be caught up soon. I also have two interviews on Thursday to prep for, although I want to be in Richmond the same day testifying on behalf of SB241. Supposedly, this thing was killed in subcommittee, but State Senate Ticer breathed life back into it, so it will get a full hearing on Thursday. One of the most pro-child, pro-family, pro-student pieces of legislation I have seen ever for children with disabilities. I really hope it makes it to the floor of the General Assembly.

Happy Birthday...

... to me. I can't lie. I am 36 today and have absolutely no idea how I feel about that number. Oh well...

Jimmy is talking more and more. He is being quite echolalic in his approach to language. It is a common phase in language development, but one that autistic children often get stuck in. He like to learn new words, read, and spell favorites. He has a Leap Pad writing desk that teaches children to write using three letter words. Everytime you get something right, it says either "good job" or "great job." He is also learning greetings like "Hi" and "Goodbye." When he incorporates them, however, it can get a little weird.

Jimmy likes the bathtub, so much so that the only way to get him out of it is to drain the water. Those moments, however, when the water is flowing out, he gets very sad. He'll look at the drain and say "Goodbye water. Great job!"

You have to laugh.

Musings about Jacob

He smiles, honest. It's been a while since I posted a photo of Jake. This is actually an older one, from last spring in Sacramento. He is just huge now. When Jimmy leaves the room, Jacob runs around the house calling out "'Immy, where are ou?" Jimmy probably shouldn't feel too special - he does it for the cat too. Jake is my hope - on the days where I worry about Jimmy somehow not being normal, Jake grabs his brother around the waist, throws him to the ground, and wrestles with him.

This Week Simply Must Be Better Than Last

It may not be possible though. I am turning 36 on Thursday - so begins the downward slide to 40. I have what will likely be my last SEAC meeting, since they don't bother to meet as they are supposed to and it looks like the district will be forcing me out into Manassas or Prince William County next year, neither of which have appropriate programs for my son. Either that or I get to pull him out entirely and try to find a preschool that will deal with therapist visits. That was the greatest source of my frustration last week. Given that we pay what is the highest property tax rate in Northern Virginia, I find it stunning that the school district in this city cannot be bothered to educate my child in the local schools.

Rather than ruminating over last week, we are scheduling an ABA training with Jimmy's lead therapist. Until I can get someone else to pay for it, we are going to have to do it ourselves. Actually, even if we do get some services, we still will have to do some of it ourselves. I am going to get into gear for this semester and start studying for comps. I have too much to do.

I'm Still Here

Sorry for the lack of posting... I have been busy, sick, down, frustrated. Just not a good week. I have company coming, my house is a disaster, and I just want to crawl into bed for a month. I will try to post again over the weekend, hopefully with more (and something good) to say!

The Kirkland Boys Go to Church...

... and nothing bad happens. I went to church with my friend Melanie (also met up with Amy, Mike, and their baby James) for the second time. This time I left both of them in the nursery. Much nicer service. I put Jimmy in the wrong room, but they kept him. He ate snack and even stayed in his seat for the Bible story. Jacob was in the 18 - 29 month old room (yeah, I don't understand that age break either.) He didn't cry once and actually didn't want to leave when I came to pick him up. He was driving one of those Little Tykes cars around the room. Such a boy.

Happy Saturday

I started my day by going back to Weight Watchers. Ever year I say this will be the year, so I will not say that in my post. I was please to find out that I have lost three pounds already since my last doctor's visit a week ago. I met Paige (a recent UT graduate who took a job up here) for lunch - she's so much fun. Women like make me long to a single girl for about a minute. Ultimately, I wouldn't trade family life for anything.

Jimmy and Jake are currently destroying the living room. Jimmy started the day not feeling very well - he took a long nap this afternoon. The most disconcerting thing about Jimmy being sick is the silence. He won't talk, he doesn't cry. He is just listless, glassy eyed, and silent. I hate it. He is feeling better, bringing the Chips Ahoy bag to me, going "I want cookie." Hearing his voice is a relief. He and his brother are playing together, putting together a train track. Another sight I really enjoy seeing.

Not much else to report... I promise more later.

January Fundraiser

When I started this blog, it was pretty much to answer the usual question I got from friends near and far - how's Jimmy doing? With the exception of the occasional Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes rant, I have stuck pretty much to the experience of raising a four year old on the autism spectrum and a very normal two year old. You have all heard me talk about going to Richmond to try to get a bill considered for habilitative care for children like Jimmy, going to legislative town hall meetings to ask that a task force be set up to look at how the state of Virginia can best meet the needs of this growing population of children, going to the school board to ask that the needs of Jimmy and his fellow students be considered as much as any other student's... I want to help all children with autism, yet I am frustrated often because I can't help my own.

In addition to being in an Early Childhood Special Education class, Jimmy receives services from a center call Matthew's Center for Visual Learning. They come into the daycare and home and provide one-on-one therapy and instruction using a method called Applied Behavioral Analysis. These skilled providers don't come cheaply - the rate is $58 an hour. We contract for two to four hours a week, depending largely on what we can afford. The therapist did a recommendation for services stating that he really needs ten hours a week. I can't afford that myself. It's depressing.

When I got today's bill for services, I got a sponsorship commitment letter. Apparently, tax deductible donations can be made to the Matthew' Center can be made to benefit my son. The money would go to pay for the cost of ABA for him. With my head and heart, I believe with 18 to 24 months of these intensive ABA services, he will be able to be in a normal class with some support and eventually not need any support at all. I don't think for one minute he is going to be exactly like everyone else - Lord knows I am not, certainly few in my family would be considered normal - but he would be able to function in school, in society, in life. He'd go to college, get a job, and likely just need a little extra help in getting married off. But he would be okay.

The above link is to a PDF of that sponsorship letter. Please read it, print it off, share it with a friend. Many people do charitable giving over the year to get the tax deduction. All I am asking is, if you would like to, consider giving something small to help Jimmy get the help that he needs. Insurance doesn't cover ABA. I am on my own with this one and need all the help I can to get this therapy for my son. If you give $5 or $50, you don't have to tell me - honestly, I think anyone who knows my son would do this if they could afford to. Not everyone can. I feel so weird in doing this, but I feel like I have to. That it just might help.

Tell your friends... and thank you. Thanks to all my friends who read this to keep up on us - here in Virginia, my UT SIS friends in Tennessee, Georgia, West Virginia and further afield, to my family all over the country, and even to those who don't know us, who have stumbled here quite by accident. I appreciate the interest, support, and ability to vent more than you will ever, ever know.

Jimmy's ENT Appointment

Tubes are still working. One is about to fall out, but about to means sometime springtime. Should get him through the winter months. He is running back and forth currently... Doing well though. More tomorrow.

Just a New Year's Eve Kiss

My husband is way into mixed martial arts (think UFC, Japan's Pride and K-1), so I saw this on the net over the weekend. Apparently, this video is becoming about as mainstream as "Lazy Sunday" (The Chronic... what?... -cles of Narnia...), so I thought I would share. The reason I selected this video is because you can hear a little of what the Texan Heath Herring says. It really is too funny!

A Bundle of... Misery

Okay, this explains a lot. It's an article about how adults with children are more prone to depression than those without them. The article is a vindication of a lot of emotions that I thought were exclusive to my own experience at times, always knowing at least on the intellectual level that I couldn't possibly be alone. Interesting...

A Good Day

Went out the Rist's in Front Royal today. It was relaxing, the kids played well together - a lot of fun. A great way to ring in the new year. Now I have a day to put my house back together before returning to work.