My nightmare

We went to Red Lobster tonight as a family.  Taking young children to a restaurant is a challenge for any parent.  We used to go out as a couple at least once a week, but since our sitter problem in the spring, we have either not gone to do things, split up and someone takes Jacob, or attempted to do them as a family.  

When we arrived at Red Lobster, Jim ran in and got a table and came back for us.  Jimmy wasn't being compliant, so I sent him ahead as I attempted to wait him out.  After 15 minutes, I gave up and hauled him out of the car.  He sat on the benches for a few more minutes, but when I tried to get him to go in, he got away from me and took off.  I dropped my purse and ran after him, screaming for help.  I stumbled in my flip flops and he got even more distance between us, as he headed for Sudley Road with eight lanes of traffic.  He nearly went in the street, but some man I heard my pleas and grabbed him on the curb.  He went on, but I sat on Jimmy for another ten minutes on the lawn outside, waiting for another man to find dh and bring him out to help.

We got him in, but it was the worst night ever.  I was crying, my hands were shaking, and Jimmy still wasn't keen to be there.  I never ate - I was too upset to even order food for myself.  My whole body just shook as I realized that I honestly came very close to watching my son get himself killed.  I haven't calmed down from that yet.  We are supposed to go on vacation tomorrow, but I don't want to go.  I want to stay in my house.  It may be a mess because we are packing to move.  He may write on the walls.  But there are deadbolts.  He doesn't cry or put up a fight when I am trying to get him through the door.  In our home, we are relatively safe.  In this moment, when my hands are still shaking, it is the only place I want to be.