Friday, July 06, 2012

When Your Life is No Longer Your Own

ESY (in general ed parlance, summer school) starts Monday and not one moment too soon.  Jimmy is suffering from a lack of structure that school provides him, compounded by dealing with two new aides.  Miss E had him on lock so well that even out of school was nearly seemless - she had a routine of activities that, while changing a bit day to day provided him continuity.  I struggle to do the same and still take care of Jacob.  I have been out of school for two weeks and while I have gotten a lot done around the house, my life has been all consuming and draining.  I love spending time with both kiddos, but I am grateful for the routine starting on Monday.

Yet the craziness has been a distraction to my insecurities.  My BFF, who I admit I don't see as often I should, went to the family beach house this week.  She seems to have invited her other friends, her regular bar crew.  She had no reason to invite me - she did once years ago all of us, but it was impossible with my husband's work and a child that doesn't travel all that well.  And I am not really mad at her, by any means.  She is a friend and she has her own life.  She is in a completely different place than I am.  Sometimes I just long for that place than the one I am in.  I don't know if it is an impossibility or if I am doing something wrong in balancing my life.  I was supposed to go to Magic Mike with another close friend and I completely spaced it after the chaos of today.  

I love my kids.  I love my life.  Still, I wish this was all less isolating to me.  

1 comment:

Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt said...

:( Summer can be really hard for moms, especially when you've got extra challenges on your plate. And it really stinks when you see other people out having fun while you feel kind of stuck. It's great having the kids around more, but as you note, it can also be very draining. Hope you find a group to connect with, maybe some moms who are having similar difficulties.