When Your Life is No Longer Your Own

ESY (in general ed parlance, summer school) starts Monday and not one moment too soon.  Jimmy is suffering from a lack of structure that school provides him, compounded by dealing with two new aides.  Miss E had him on lock so well that even out of school was nearly seemless - she had a routine of activities that, while changing a bit day to day provided him continuity.  I struggle to do the same and still take care of Jacob.  I have been out of school for two weeks and while I have gotten a lot done around the house, my life has been all consuming and draining.  I love spending time with both kiddos, but I am grateful for the routine starting on Monday.

Yet the craziness has been a distraction to my insecurities.  My BFF, who I admit I don't see as often I should, went to the family beach house this week.  She seems to have invited her other friends, her regular bar crew.  She had no reason to invite me - she did once years ago all of us, but it was impossible with my husband's work and a child that doesn't travel all that well.  And I am not really mad at her, by any means.  She is a friend and she has her own life.  She is in a completely different place than I am.  Sometimes I just long for that place than the one I am in.  I don't know if it is an impossibility or if I am doing something wrong in balancing my life.  I was supposed to go to Magic Mike with another close friend and I completely spaced it after the chaos of today.  

I love my kids.  I love my life.  Still, I wish this was all less isolating to me.