Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Time for Some Clarification, Friends...

Twice in as many days, I have had friends tell me that they don't want to share their problems with me because, as one said, they seem "small and petty" by comparison. At first, I was sort of irritated, but it made me think. Here's what I came up with...

The last few years have been fairly daunting for me. I turned to blogging about my experience, partially as sort of a group response to the constant questions I got post-diagnosis regarding Jimmy and partially to vent. Of course, venting focuses on the negative, the stress and the troubles. As much as I try to write about the good stuff, if writing is your release, it doesn't work that way. I'm human - I hold on my joy tightly and try to release my pain freely. It helps me survive.

To some degree, this blog is a litany of problems that are very real to people who know me well. Everything from just the day to day stress of parenting a special needs kid (and Lordy, don't get me started about the "normal" one) to the IEPs and the revolving cast of doctors and providers to the more mundane things (albeit heartbreaking) like the death of my cat - it is one thing after another. But not each thing is a problem - it is my life. I have learned to adapt to some degree, to enjoy what I have been given. If took each problem individually and categorized it as such, I wouldn't get out of bed each morning. Who would, with that burden?

And, really, not everything is a burden. As stressful as this is, I realized I chose this. I chose to have children. Would I have chosen to have a child with autism? Certainly not. But you don't get to choose that. Your choice ends when you get pregnant. Yes, you take care of yourself and the child you carry inside of you. But beyond that pregnancy, nothing is promised to you. God gives you a child and you hope and strive for the best. It doesn't always work out that way.

I don't think life would be any less stressful if I had two "normal" kids. The challenges would be different, but they would still exist. I don't know anyone who isn't challenged by their life - jobs, families, relationships, personal demons. It's all very complicated. Everyone has problems. Those problems are just as real and important to you as anything I have got going in my life. If you are my friend, those problems are real and important to me as well. It is the nature of friendship. I don't think anyone is the perfect friend - all relationships require time, energy, and maintenance, all things I struggle with - but I always will welcome the opportunity to try.

Does this make any sense?

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