Photos from the last few days

Jimmy eating cake at his Parks and Rec birthday party with his therapist...



Jacob out to breakfast with me on Friday...



Jimmy just before he fell asleep on the couch. If he looks a like dopey, it's because this was after he took his sedative...



Buster, also referred to as Miss Kitty, keep watch over the now sleeping lump of a boy...

Happy Sixth Birthday!!!!

I can't believe it has been six years! I remember waking up after crashing from exhausting post C-section and looking at him in the bassinet next to me. I beat myself up over missing the first five hours of his life. Little did I know how much I would need the extra sleep.

After I was done teaching summer school today, I picked up a sheet cake and took it to his Extended Care program at Costello Park. His therapist brought him down. Forty kids sang "Happy Birthday" to him. It was fantastic! I love the kid so much, my heart is just ready to burst most of the time. Maybe because he doesn't talk back, I don't feel as constantly frustrated with him. Maybe it's because my heart is somehow even softer to him, simply because of the need I have to protect him, that he doesn't function in the world completely on his own. I just love him to pieces. I have since the first day - you know, the one where I found out I was pregnant - and I haven't stopped. Yeah, the ride has been bumpy, but he is amazing!

Back to real news tomorrow...

Running through the mall...

Screaming Jacob's name...

Went to the mall with my mom and Jimmy's therapist for a community outing. While we were attempting to get Jimmy to use the bathroom, my mom sat outside with Jacob. It's a small bathroom - he got out in front of her and she was blocked in by his stroller. He took off at a run and went after him. The chase began on the lower level of the mall and ended on the upper level on the opposite side of it. And it didn't end with his capture either... my mom called me to tell me that she had lost sight of him and he was gone. I ran to the information desk, requested a security guard and took off running in the direction where he had last been seen.

I have never felt so helpless as I did running through the mall, yelling the name of my missing child. I think it was true terror. Apparently someone caught and returned him to my mother. She actually spanked him for his trouble. He turned and smiled at her. When she found me with him in tow, I started sobbing and yelling at him. Only then did he realize that he was in big trouble. It was the worst experience of my life, by far...

Needless to say, he isn't going to the mall again any time soon.

The loveable, laughable logic of an autistic boy

When I was at Bloom the other day, I got roped into buying more than I needed. The most stupid expenditure was Spiderman popsicles. Jacob had one and I put them in the freezer. When we got home from going to Potomac Mills with Diana today, Jimmy took them out and to the top bunk of his bed, where he left them to melt. All because they were Spiderman and he liked them. I threw them away and Jacob helped me clean up the mess. A few hours later I go to take the trash out. I realize that the wet, melting box isn't in there. He took them back to his bed again. Needless to say, the sheets are getting done.

Potomac Mills was my compromise on the whole zoo thing. I just figured we would rent strollers. They were out everywhere in the mall. I had to hoof it over to the Old Navy entrance just to find them. Just getting to the information desk, I had Jimmy going limp on me because he wasn't to see the battery powered dog at KB Toys. Jacob took off on Diana at a full sprint and I had to chase him around a shoe store, where he relished hiding from me. Got a lot of laughs from the other customers. I don't think they realized how close I was to losing my shiznit.

Speaking of other customers, next time I put Jimmy in a mall stroller, it will be with a t-shirt saying "I am autistic. What's your excuse?" People are just too damn judgmental.

My house is thrashed, but at this point, it can wait until the morning. I am going to my bed. I think the last one is finally asleep. Peace at last.

Jacob's Latest Obsession

It's going to be a very Fisher-Price Christmas...

My weekend choice...

I am going to Toys R Us to buy this...

I can't figure out how to make a solo trip to the zoo work, so I am getting a pool, pulling up a lawnchair, and reading while the kids play. It's the best I can come up with. Fortunately my mom is going to spring me on Sunday to go to Fair Oaks to shop. Jimmy's birthday is coming, after all...

Sadly, I think this is what I will ultimately need...

The Axiom 2 Special Needs Stroller... only about $1100. Maybe I should have a bake sale...

Does it really have to be such a big production?

So, I am still toying around with the idea of taking the boys to the zoo on Saturday. It's not something I can do, however, without benefit of a stroller. The boys have outgrown theirs. It makes no sense to buy a brand new jogging stroller for two - it would be $200 and, weight wise, would last me only a year. So I have been surfing CraigsList. There is one for $100 in Fairfax and another for $50 in Maryland. I would be interested in the $50 if it were here.

The problem isn't just the weight. Jimmy is tall enough that he can put his feet down and offer up a good fight if he doesn't want move from where he is. Always a problem at the mall with KB Toys. A bigger problem going from enclosure to enclosure at the zoo. Can't lure him away from the tigers with "Let's go see the elephants." He doesn't get it and will just want to stay with the tiger.

Being alone with two kids is essentially house arrest. I guess I should suck it up and get a wading pool for the weekend and have some fun.

Jimmy's up..

And so I am... he got me up at about 3:45 a.m. Not a big fan of my son at this moment. The clonidine puts him to sleep, but fairly often doesn't keep him there. At least we changed the locks so he can't go out the door. That peace of mind still isn't enough to let me return to bed. So here I am.

I am trying to screw up the nerve to take the boys into the city this weekend. I want to take them to the zoo. I am trying to figure out how to manage it on my own. They have outgrown the double umbrella stroller. I am toying with the notion of buying a double jogging stroller, if it will support 100 lbs between the two of them. That would give me a year. Neither boy has the self restraint to allow me to let both walk alone on major outings. And I hate being cooped up at home.

YouTube will be the death of me...

Watch... just watch...

Further cementing my nerd cred...

Jimmy Starts Summer School

After many different idirations of schedules and programs, Jimmy finally started summer school today. Three weeks at the school and then three weeks in home hours. That's on top of the 12 hours a week of therapy he gets from the school system and county. Another schedule to juggle. At least they are doing something different this year - Applied Verbal Behavior - saying "yes" or "no" instead of scripting both, following oral direction, etc... These things are helpful, but there is a lot to our schedule at the moment.

Added to this are two more time committments for me - an online class for my licensure and rejoining the gym. There is so much else stressing me out at the moment. I think I have added too much.

Monday Morning

I am exhausted and here I am, up for summer school. Hopefully this won't feel so pointless when the extra money appears on my paycheck. I could use the cash right now.

Mr. Montgomery Burns

Yay, corporate tie-ins...

August 13th

Well, we have sleep medication again. Of course, when I filled the prescription, I found out that Anthem forgot to enter Jimmy's name for coverage. And thus, the post-Kaiser era begins.

I did manage to get an appointment for Jimmy with his developmental pediatrician. He doesn't have anything in Fairfax for months, so I am hoofing it to Rockville to get him seen. I think we are going the ADHD medication route again. It is needed badly.

Week three of summer school begins Monday. I love the kids, we are all having fun, and I feel like they are learning. Jimmy's therapy goes on without his therapist of a year - she had emergency surgery and is out of commission - but he likes the woman delivering services, so it isn't a huge setback.

I added a link to my missing BFF. I haven't made the time to see her as I should - she is out in Front Royal. I miss her (and my other friends - I haven't seen anyone in awhile.) I will get out there soon. What up, T? :)

That's the update, for now.

Fun with Dora

Kids show are so incredibly annoying that anytime YouTube has fun with them (no matter how foul), I have to share....

Happy Fourth!!!

I am typing this while Jim is outside with Jacob. Fireworks were never Jimmy's scene. He has had a pretty rough day - but that, I mean we have had a rough day. A few, actually. I finally switched the boys of Kaiser Permenente as of July 1. That was such a bad scene, with all the hoops to jump through - the referrals, the waits, the lack of coverage, driving to Woodbridge or Falls Church for an emergency appointment. A huge pain. HMOs are great if there is nothing wrong with you. Obviously, not the case here.

We ran out of Jimmy's Catapres three days ago - Jimmy takes it to sleep. Without it, he hasn't. So Jacob can sleep, he has been bunking with us, but I have literally been awakened by Jimmy jumping on my ribs at 2 a.m. Tomorrow was the soonest we could get in with his new pediatrican, so we go in the afternoon. I am hoping the doctor will just write the script. If he is willing to writing something for the hyperactivity, it would such a gift right now!

That was one of the biggest problems with Kaiser - they were very hands off when it came to the autism stuff. The doctor wasn't able to perscribe anything to treat the symptoms/behavioral elements of autism. We had to go through the developmental pediatrican, who is impossible to get a returned call or e-mail from. He must be on Mars for vacation, because he hasn't responded at all this week - I was trying to get this filled before the switch, so there wouldn't be any interruption in his medication. Didn't work - Kaiser didn't help, Dr. Conlon disappeared. I am just exhausted and miserable at this point.

I can see the fireworks from my window. I have always loved them. At least I used to... it's a little pleasure that I feel like I have lost because I can't share them with Jimmy. They are just so loud for him - it's terrifying. I know it is corny, but it makes me sad that we can't be out there as a family, with everyone else.

Hey, at least he loves Christmas. We still have that.