Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Hitting a wall

I apologize for the lack of solid posting the past few days. I think I am falling apart. It's not like things are going badly. Work is fine. My school board responsibilities are pretty manageable, though we aren't in budget season yet. Jacob is happily in school. Jimmy is having a rougher time transitioning back, so much so they are asking for a one-on-one aide. But he is Jimmy, ready to lose another tooth and loveable and hyper as always. I am still unpacking, but the house is still holding together.

But... I don't feel like myself. I am pretty sure I have an ulcer. I went to my doctor, who told me to go to a gastroenterologist. The first office couldn't get me in until late October. I took the appointment, but over the last few days, I realized I need to be seen sooner. Today, I found someone in town who can see me a week from Monday. I honestly wonder if I will make it that long. My stomach wakes me in the middle of the night. It's worse when I eat. It's never really better. I am extremely overtired, stressed out in a way that isn't really in proportion to my current real life, and I am just not there mentally.

Since childbirth, I have made a point of not bitching that much about pain. The way I feel right now is just unreal and I am scared to death. It is likely colitis or an ulcer - I have a history of colitis, but haven't had a problem since my late teens. My grandmother died of colon cancer, though, so I worry about that do. I got an e-mail from my mom, nagging me about getting an appointment. She has just gotten back from a funeral of a longtime friend and colleague who died of colon cancer. My mom is worried too, which is completely unlikely. I never see overt signs for worry from her. Yes, I know it is likely an ulcer, but I am just unnerved by being sick and in pain. I wish I could get into the doctor sooner, because I am really miserable right now.

Sorry I am putting this all out there... I just had to vent. This has got to get better.

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