Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Ups and Downs of Autism

It looks like I finally have the facilitator for the EDCD waivers nailed down. They are coming out the house next week. I abandoned the local facilitators because they couldn't get things moving quickly enough and went with someone who is further away. Distance doesn't matter so much because they travel to you, but I have heard good things about them and not only do they answer their own phones, they return calls as well.

But, having this aid comes with a down side... I am a supervisor. For all intents and purposes, someone has a job inside my home and it is a new role for me to make sure it goes smoothly. It another thing for me to take on when I have already taken on too much. I guess I always assumed autism would get easier as Jimmy got older, but it has only gotten harder. He is bigger, stronger, but his progress isn't keeping pace. I have a sore shoulder. DH had a broken foot. We have both wondered how long we can continue with Jimmy here. That's what these waivers have been designed to do - to keep in the home instead of a residential placement. And that is my hope. He's my baby. He's 8. I can't imagine him anywhere else. I don't know how I would get out of bed in the morning. I know I am not alone in this struggle - have a child with autism is overwhelming and there are easily a million parents who do it - but I feel alone. I think many other moms must feel that way too.

I wish sleep would come, but I am too stressed for it.

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