Stunned

Kindergarten orientation is next Tuesday at Jimmy's school. I went to the grades 1-3 orientation to try to catch the woman I understood to be his teacher this year in the single autism 5-8 class in my school district. We have been aggregating data on Jimmy's toileting habits in hopes of being able to try another toilet training approach. I wanted the opportunity to speak to her about this in advance of next week, so I could figure out if we were going to switch to underwear immediately.

So I get there. The principal gives us the grand tour and tells me that they have split the transition class, that the younger woman that I was told would be his teacher this year isn't going to be, that it will be an older woman who I met briefly. I fully admit I bring my own bias to this - my experience with older teachers and therapists leads me to think that they are less likely to incorporate best practice in dealing with children with autism. I guess if I am really honest, I think they are less likely to embrace the things I am doing with him and less likely to be willing to incorporate input or partner with Jimmy's therapists from the Matthew's Center. This is my child. I feel like on some level (even though intellectually I know these things aren't set in stone), I was promised the best and given the worst. I have no idea where my proposal for autism education in Manassas Park went - it was supposed be with the superintendent, but I have heard nothing. I feel like all my work on this with the Special Education Advisory Committee was for nothing. Nothing.

I am crushed. I have no idea who I am sending my non-verbal child to on Wednesday. Yes, I will go to the orientation on Tuesday. Yes, I will meet her, this new teacher. Will she be more like Jimmy's first teacher, who made me feel like a partner in this? Or will she be a more difficult person to partner with? Will she believe in my child the way I do? Maybe I will be wrong. But right now, I am lost, in tears and dreading next week. Moreoever, I feel completely betrayed by a system I am busting my ass for. I am pissed.